My YEAR & how I got into PHOTOGRAPHY

A little story of my 2020 and what led me to pursue the art of photography, and all the rest.

Have you ever just been plodding along with your normal day to day life, rather getting use to same old humdrum of each day as it comes and then BAM!! It all just stops..?

Oh wait.. That was everyone...

Well anyway! I thought I'd share my version of events as my first blog entry just in case it may help anyone! I think I'll start in February this year; I was halfway through my third year living in Australia and decided to take a well needed holiday. I had not seen my family for a long time, and being in the middle of the fires that were devastating Australia that summer had taken their toll on me. Now, said holiday was only supposed be for 3 WEEKS after which I would fly back and return to my normal life, heading back to the pub where I was working in time for the busy easter period, and then head back up the mountain to continue my 'ski bum' life.

So I packed a 'small' bag for my 'small' holiday, left most of my belongings including all my ski gear, all my WARM clothes (as I was heading into spring at home) AND my car at my friend Sam's place (sorry Sam...) and headed off home at last!

Now of course I'd heard about this virus on the news, but I don't think anyone ever expected it to escalate to what it has now become. It all definitely blindsided me as after I'd been home for a mere 2 days I received an email saying "your return flight has been cancelled until further notice".

"oh no..."

“Your return flight has been cancelled until further notice.”

As soon as I read the email my mind flew to all the possibilities I had. I could immediately fly straight back to Australia to be back with all my belongings and stay with Sam? "Ah but then I'd be stuck, with no income, in a place where I would have to buy food, fuel, rent etc etc." I could stay in Glasgow with my brother and sister until 'things blew over'? "Hmm nah I wouldn't want to outstay my welcome with them". (Again the no income thing..)

So the option that made the most sense was of course? Yup. Mum and dad!

Got the train home sharpish in fear of them shutting down as well and so began one of the most testing times I think I've ever experienced.

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my parents and I am so grateful for what they have given me and the opportunities that they have provided for me. But for someone who hasn't lived at home almost 10 years, there was a few things I had to get used to again.

I think my mum and dad definitely had to get used to the change just as much as me. My theory is that the Wilson (me) they were used to having in the house was 16 years old so there was still a very strong 'parental' feel to living there.

When I first arrived it was such an amazing feeling, I was home! There was so much space, so much freedom. I was cooking most nights as I was the only one not working, I was going on every walk I could to be with mum and dad and I was getting back into my songwriting making my own little studio in my childhood bedroom. I was even getting back into playing my bagpipes that I had stopped playing years and years ago! It was so relaxing, that 3 week holiday was just what I needed after the year I'd just had. But that was just it. 3 weeks was all I needed. Those 3 weeks turned into a month, then 2 months, then 3, and so on and so on. The novelty of being home was definitely wearing off and the nice placebo walls I had surrounded myself with were disappearing.

Then things started to feel like they were getting a bit repetitive.

The more time went by the more it seemed like there was no end, no light at the end of the tunnel. There were more infections by the day, the whole world was shutting down and we were in full lockdown.

I had no car, no job, no gym, no motivation and most importantly, no friends anywhere close to me. I sat staring at the end of that sentence for a long time trying to find a roundabout way to say it but there's no soft way to do it. I was depressed.

I am an inherently social being and I had no one to talk to or hang out with.

I am an inherently active being but had no gym to go to, or anyone to exercise with.

I would snap at mum and dad for the simplest of things, say things I didn't mean before I'd thought them through, and it just seemed to me everyone I knew had it 'better'.

Any time I tried to explain, (note, not to my parents) I got hit with the "just be lucky you got this and this and that..." which made me feel like an even worse person thinking "am I ungrateful..? Am I being selfish..?"

With no car, I felt trapped in the house, like a dog waiting for its next walk with its owners. So much so, that I would revel in the chance just to get in the car, even if was just a routine shopping trip.

The lack of exercise hit me the hardest. Due to an old back injury, I got to a point where I was in so much pain, and had so little power in my right leg, that even the 'thought' of doing something would be too sore and too much effort. I started seeing a chiropractor every other week, which mum had to a) pay for and, b) drive me there. (a 4 hour round trip...)

“I sat staring at the end of that sentence for a long time trying to find a roundabout way to say it but there's no soft way to. I was depressed.”

Now I know most of this so far has been all doom and gloom but please bear with me (and thank you if you've actually gotten this far..!). I promise this is where things start to brighten up.

Now my dad has been taking photos for as long as I remember, his canon DSLR sitting on the shelf waiting for its next outing on the daily routine walks. His computer is filled with photos of sunsets and landscapes around home dating from years back (he has very big hard drives...). I have always loved taking photos to share on my social media, just to show my friends from over the world where I am, and what I'm doing, but never really taking notice of the quality or anything photograph related, like composition, exposure, etc. However I remember dad talking about all these settings and different ways to take photos, like long exposures and different ISO settings, and it just intrigued me. I wanted to try it!

I will always remember the time I used dad's camera for the first time (before I built up the courage to leave the house with it) I was about to go to bed when I caught a glimpse of the moon from a crack in my curtains. It was HUGE! I just had to get a photo of it but I knew that my crappy little phone camera would never do it justice. So I sneaked into the sitting room and set dads camera up at the window, opened it wide, pointed it at the moon and 'snap!' .......black screen. 'Snap again' another black screen.

"What's going on?!", I wondered. Every photo I took I couldn't see anything in the photo! That's when I had a quick internet search: "How to take photos of the moon". Which is when I found out that there is waaaaay more to this than I first thought. My brain shouted, "Awesome! So much to learn!". I read the whole article about all the camera settings I had to use for the moon shot, but I have to admit, I had NO IDEA what it all meant, which led to MORE searching, learning about ISO, aperture, shutter speed etc.. I was loving it! I still didn't get amazing photos of the moon, but hey, at least I could see it in the photo this time and that was a start.

"Once you start seeing an improvement it becomes an addiction."

A quote I've always believed in from my gym life but works perfectly in this scenario too! I could already see an improvement and that felt good.

I moved on from the moon and saw that because it was so bright it was reflecting off the water so much I had to try and capture that, and this is what I got.

Now don't worry, you don't need to say it, I know. It's terrible. BUT... at the time, you have NO idea how stoked I was! Sure, the horizon wasn't straight, it wasn't really in focus, the water is hella blown out, and the deer (yes there's a deer in the photo I swear) just looked like a smudge. But it was mine, I did it, and I couldn't wait for dad to wake up the next day to show him. I had stayed up till 4 in the morning taking photo after photo, and all I kept from those many hours was this one photo, and that didn't bother me AT ALL.

From then, I was hooked. I would take dads camera out every time we went for a walk, and take as many photos as I humanly could. Both mum and dad were super supportive and would wait for me every time I stopped to take a photo, however, the routine marches round 'the loop' were starting to take a bit too long for their liking with so many stops, so it was up to me to catch them up if I stopped at all! Which was fine, I got it... People are only built with so much patience...

The more photos I took, the more I started to understand, and the better my photos would become. Once I had decided that this wasn't just a phase I was going through, I spent what very little money I had on my very own camera. Nothing special but it was mine! Obviously I did what every beginner does, and bought far more gear than I knew what to do with.

Around about this time, I had also started to help one of my elderly, housebound neighbours who lives alone, and would go in once a week or so, just to do some work around the house, like tidying or vacuuming, or just changing bedsheets. Yes, she did pay me a little for coming in, but after a few trips down I soon realised how awesome this lady is..! The idea was I would go down for 2 hours and get as much done as I could, but what would really happen is we would just talk(!) for at least an hour and a half each time, and run out of time for any cleaning, so I would just stay longer. Now this lady has always been a social being, like myself. She would always have people to chat or party with, and she was one hell of a hostess! But because of what was happening in the world, all guests and 'surprise pop-ins' were gone. So it made sense, she was just as lonely as me, probably more so. I started trying to make it down more often not to just clean, but to chat. I definitely needed it just as much as she did.

Finally I was able to get insurance on the family car, so I was able to get to new places to take photos rather than relying on mum or dad having a day off (and being willing) to take me somewhere. I could go anywhere if the car was free which felt like getting some of my independence back. But another problem still remained.

I still had no job, so no real income, which made me feel guilty if I used the car with no way of paying for fuel. I was eventually lucky enough to get a job at the local fish farm just 15 minutes from home, and what was even better was that I didn't need my own car! One of the guys that worked there passed my house everyday so I could get a lift, car sharing being a necessity.

So finally things were starting to come back together, and I began to feel almost human again. The constant work was strengthening my back and I could drive to my own chiropractor appointments. I was even able to start playing football for a team again, and that felt amazing. Well, to be honest, I was just absolutely buzzing that I could even run, which I haven't been able to do for god knows how long!

It definitely felt like a time for a small celebration. I had a bit more of a grip on things than I had previously. Although things were not ideal, and weren't exactly how I wanted them to be, nor was I where I wanted to be, all in all, things were okay. Now I had an idea of how bad things can get, and I had a strong urge to not let myself fall back to where I was at my lowest point of the year.

2020 has beat me senseless in more ways than one and it was definitely winning most of the battles without even breaking a sweat, but I'm sure as hell stronger for it. I'm not going to sit here and say that cliche, "I wouldn't have had it any other way", because that would be a complete lie. This year can shove it! I would have been glad had it never happened, but it did, and I now have the experience under my belt ready for the next punch up.

I've never been one for those motivational pep-talks (bar one or two people, you know who you are..), but I think the whole world needs a pep-talk right now. This year has been tough for everyone, some more than others, but no matter how many rocks the world seems to throw at you, full pelt, right at your face, point blank, no mercy... okay you get the point... guess who has the rocks now? You. And it's up to you to decide what to do with them. Use them to build a wall against more rocks, or give them to a friend to help with their wall. Or hell, just throw them back, even harder.

See? Told you I'm not very good.. but if that made sense to you, tell me which one you would pick.? We are all in this together, and I have a few spare rocks lying around here if you need them.

Find something you love. For me it's photography and a bit of video games. (Well maybe more than just a bit right now). But stay focused and positive however hard that may seem sometimes, and you'll come out stronger on the other side.

I think that about wraps up this year, I'm currently sitting at my desk early on Hogmanay, writing this with a cup of tea going cold beside me (again, sorry dad). Having a mad one right? I hope everyone has the best 2021 they can, and you go after the thing you are humming and hawing about. As Nike would say: JUST DO IT!!

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